Hmmmm.....read n remain blessed
1. Sex doll Sex doll, some boys will take
cocaine,
tramadol, weed, and codine and fuck d
Sex doll till the
battery is low.
2. Girls will be forming during daytime
but will wakeup
at night to pee inside custard bucket!!!
3. Shout out to All Ladies Who Say NO To
Proposal........
Keep Saying NO Till Your Parents Post
Your Pic On OLX
@mascotisdeadly
4. English no go kill man oooo
My friend was arrested in a political rally.
Why?, he saw
a lady journalist with a badge on her
breast written
PRESS .He just pressed.Omo come see
beating
5. The way people die on radio during a
radio
program is so alarming .
You will just hear, Hello! hello! Oh we lost
him!
@mascotisdeadly
6. Beat an African child, console him with
biscuit & ask
him "Who beat you?" He will point at
another person.
That's how corruption started in Africa.
7. My friend is getting married this
Saturday,I was so
excited,until I checked the transport fare
from port
Harcourt to Lagos,I just remembered that
he offended
me in JSS 2
@mascotisdeadly
8. The day u are looking for a job & find
out d CEO is ur X,
u will know Y mathematics
always tells us to find d value of X!
9. A doctor wanted to heal (3) crazy men
He asks
Bobby: 3 + 3, He answers: 2500 You're
really crazy, he
told him!
Then Farouk: 3 + 3 = Wednesday. You are
not far from
death, said the Doctor!
Then Angel: 3 + 3 = 6. BRAVOO!!! How
did you do it??? He
answers: I divided 2500 by Wednesday.
The doctor fainted.
10. sex doll sex doll...Anambra men will
still cut of the
breast and use it for rituals
@mascotisdeadly
11. If ur guy dumps u or breaks ur heart,
take his phone
and leave. Call his mother and tell her he
is dead and you
are actually calling from d accident
scene.... Then switch
off d phone. You can not be crying alone,
she must also
feel d pain for not raising him well.
12. CAMPUS DISCUSSION
Student 1: Results are out, come and lets
go and see.
Student 2: I'm with my dad. If U see
mine, pls message
me. If I fail in one subject type "Good
morning to U" If
two subjects then say "Good morning to
u n ur dad"
Later...
Student 1: (typing)..."Good morning to u
and ur family
and the whole members of ur town..
Guess what He got
13. The only time a man can remember
all the girls he
have slept with is when he is waiting for
his HIV test
Result
14. My local government chairman
announced that they
wanted to give handicaps N300,000.First
thing on
Monday morning I was there with
crutches only for me
to turn and see three of my uncles on
wheel chair
including my landlord.
@mascotisdeadly
15. Today I saw two blind people fighting
then I shouted
"I'm supporting the one with the knife",
they both ran
away
16. Pls all the girls in this group should
send me their
sugar daddy's pictures, am looking for my
uncle.
Am not joking ooooo
@mascotisdeadly
17. I was watching Christmas drama
rehearsal by a
church drama group yesterday and I
nearly burst into
tears...Why? Mary told Joseph she was
pregnant and
Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ!...for who?"
and I became
confused.
18. All does girls snapping pictures in
uncompleted
buildings wat is ur problem??
If bad guyz repay yhu na, yhu wee start
too cry...
You wee not go too ur house and snap..
19. Do u know??? Dat # MALTINA Has the
following
vitamins... A, B, B1,B2,B3,B4,B5,C, D...
Chaiiiiiii.... So av
been drinking somebody's waec result
@mascotisdeadly
20. TEACHER: I return from work, open
my door and see
50 million naira on my bed. Assuming
you were in my shoes, what will you do?
STUDENT: I will bite your toes until you
faint. I will then
come out from your shoes and take all
the money!
TEACHER: Fool! You can't literally be
inside my shoes. It's
a figure of speech.
STUDENT: You can't literally open your
door and see 50
million naira on your bed in this Buhari
Economy! Who
will keep it there? That's a figure of
impossible speech!
21. Barely 2 days into feb and is weekend
already..
,January u see ur mate
22. A man sent a message to his wife
Husband's 1st sms: "Honey please wash
those clothes I
brought out of d wardrobe".
# no reply
Husband's 2nd sms: "And pls cook my
favorite soup so I
can eat coz am damn hungry"
#no reply
Husband 3rd sms: "Darling, Im promoted
and given 2
return tickets (me and u) to America and
Dubai plus all
expenses covered for 3months"
Wife: "Are u Serious?"
Husband: "No, i just wanted to be sure u
got all the
previous messages!"
@mascotisdeadly
23. When money is involved
Some Nigerian girls be like....I love him
His ugliness is very matured
24. That moment when you want to
throw a stone at
your friend..you missed it and it hit an
old woman, and
then the woman picks up the stone and
put it inside her
bag..
...just have it in mind that ur life is on d
verge of turning
out to be like a student who wrote exam
in UNILAG and
saw his result in DELSU
@mascotisdeadly
25. You Think Some Guys Are Romantic
Enough To Join
U In The Kitchen???...My Sister He Just
Wanna Make Sure
U Dnt Put Juju In His Food.
@mascotisdeadly
26. Wahala dey o ...
January is hard for everyone oooo !!
Today while I was chilling in my house, a
guy appeared,
trying to sell a cat to me. When I refused
and told
him that i don't have rats in my house he
begged me
to just buy the cat that he will bring the
rats later in
the afternoon
27. I don know who taught them Daht???
A monkey and
a chimpanzi were seated next to each
other during a
service in church.......the pastor said turn
to your
neighbour and say you
are beautiful and adorably created in the
image of God.
Monkey looks at the chimpanzi for a
moment, then
laughs out loudly and tells the
pastor.........eish; tell him
yourself, I don't want
to lie in church
@mascotisdeadly
28. Nollywood with their problems
30 years later yet the family dog is still
alive
29. *The keke I entered yesterday
wanted to overtake a
trailer. The trailer blocked him, the next
thing the keke
man started warning the trailer driver "I
WILL JAM YOU
O!! That was when I asked him to drop
me without
reaching my destination. You want to jam
him with
what? You see weed?....... Fear weed!*
30. Some Men are fools paaa, how can
you pass by me
with your car and few distance from me
pick a lady, and
the car break down . now you are like oh
bro help me push it
I'll never, even if I swallow the Bible as
food
what pain me more is the lady is still
inside....
@mascotisdeadly
31. *SEX* is my best *enemy*,
*BUT* the *BIBLE* Say's *love* your
*ENEMY*
*am confused guys*
Should I love it
32. HELP ME JUDGE THIS MATTER!!
Goat and fowl dey waka for road, one
man dey drive,
come splash water for their body,
D fowl say: see as he dey drive like goat!
D goat say: na in make dem dey die like
fowl!
Na so fight start o. Who find trouble?
@mascotisdeadly
Hope you enjoyed the jokes? Which one
was your
favourite???
1. Sex doll Sex doll, some boys will take
cocaine,
tramadol, weed, and codine and fuck d
Sex doll till the
battery is low.
2. Girls will be forming during daytime
but will wakeup
at night to pee inside custard bucket!!!
3. Shout out to All Ladies Who Say NO To
Proposal........
Keep Saying NO Till Your Parents Post
Your Pic On OLX
@mascotisdeadly
4. English no go kill man oooo
My friend was arrested in a political rally.
Why?, he saw
a lady journalist with a badge on her
breast written
PRESS .He just pressed.Omo come see
beating
5. The way people die on radio during a
radio
program is so alarming .
You will just hear, Hello! hello! Oh we lost
him!
@mascotisdeadly
6. Beat an African child, console him with
biscuit & ask
him "Who beat you?" He will point at
another person.
That's how corruption started in Africa.
7. My friend is getting married this
Saturday,I was so
excited,until I checked the transport fare
from port
Harcourt to Lagos,I just remembered that
he offended
me in JSS 2
@mascotisdeadly
8. The day u are looking for a job & find
out d CEO is ur X,
u will know Y mathematics
always tells us to find d value of X!
9. A doctor wanted to heal (3) crazy men
He asks
Bobby: 3 + 3, He answers: 2500 You're
really crazy, he
told him!
Then Farouk: 3 + 3 = Wednesday. You are
not far from
death, said the Doctor!
Then Angel: 3 + 3 = 6. BRAVOO!!! How
did you do it??? He
answers: I divided 2500 by Wednesday.
The doctor fainted.
10. sex doll sex doll...Anambra men will
still cut of the
breast and use it for rituals
@mascotisdeadly
11. If ur guy dumps u or breaks ur heart,
take his phone
and leave. Call his mother and tell her he
is dead and you
are actually calling from d accident
scene.... Then switch
off d phone. You can not be crying alone,
she must also
feel d pain for not raising him well.
12. CAMPUS DISCUSSION
Student 1: Results are out, come and lets
go and see.
Student 2: I'm with my dad. If U see
mine, pls message
me. If I fail in one subject type "Good
morning to U" If
two subjects then say "Good morning to
u n ur dad"
Later...
Student 1: (typing)..."Good morning to u
and ur family
and the whole members of ur town..
Guess what He got
13. The only time a man can remember
all the girls he
have slept with is when he is waiting for
his HIV test
Result
14. My local government chairman
announced that they
wanted to give handicaps N300,000.First
thing on
Monday morning I was there with
crutches only for me
to turn and see three of my uncles on
wheel chair
including my landlord.
@mascotisdeadly
15. Today I saw two blind people fighting
then I shouted
"I'm supporting the one with the knife",
they both ran
away
16. Pls all the girls in this group should
send me their
sugar daddy's pictures, am looking for my
uncle.
Am not joking ooooo
@mascotisdeadly
17. I was watching Christmas drama
rehearsal by a
church drama group yesterday and I
nearly burst into
tears...Why? Mary told Joseph she was
pregnant and
Joseph shouted "Jesus Christ!...for who?"
and I became
confused.
18. All does girls snapping pictures in
uncompleted
buildings wat is ur problem??
If bad guyz repay yhu na, yhu wee start
too cry...
You wee not go too ur house and snap..
19. Do u know??? Dat # MALTINA Has the
following
vitamins... A, B, B1,B2,B3,B4,B5,C, D...
Chaiiiiiii.... So av
been drinking somebody's waec result
@mascotisdeadly
20. TEACHER: I return from work, open
my door and see
50 million naira on my bed. Assuming
you were in my shoes, what will you do?
STUDENT: I will bite your toes until you
faint. I will then
come out from your shoes and take all
the money!
TEACHER: Fool! You can't literally be
inside my shoes. It's
a figure of speech.
STUDENT: You can't literally open your
door and see 50
million naira on your bed in this Buhari
Economy! Who
will keep it there? That's a figure of
impossible speech!
21. Barely 2 days into feb and is weekend
already..
,January u see ur mate
22. A man sent a message to his wife
Husband's 1st sms: "Honey please wash
those clothes I
brought out of d wardrobe".
# no reply
Husband's 2nd sms: "And pls cook my
favorite soup so I
can eat coz am damn hungry"
#no reply
Husband 3rd sms: "Darling, Im promoted
and given 2
return tickets (me and u) to America and
Dubai plus all
expenses covered for 3months"
Wife: "Are u Serious?"
Husband: "No, i just wanted to be sure u
got all the
previous messages!"
@mascotisdeadly
23. When money is involved
Some Nigerian girls be like....I love him
His ugliness is very matured
24. That moment when you want to
throw a stone at
your friend..you missed it and it hit an
old woman, and
then the woman picks up the stone and
put it inside her
bag..
...just have it in mind that ur life is on d
verge of turning
out to be like a student who wrote exam
in UNILAG and
saw his result in DELSU
@mascotisdeadly
25. You Think Some Guys Are Romantic
Enough To Join
U In The Kitchen???...My Sister He Just
Wanna Make Sure
U Dnt Put Juju In His Food.
@mascotisdeadly
26. Wahala dey o ...
January is hard for everyone oooo !!
Today while I was chilling in my house, a
guy appeared,
trying to sell a cat to me. When I refused
and told
him that i don't have rats in my house he
begged me
to just buy the cat that he will bring the
rats later in
the afternoon
27. I don know who taught them Daht???
A monkey and
a chimpanzi were seated next to each
other during a
service in church.......the pastor said turn
to your
neighbour and say you
are beautiful and adorably created in the
image of God.
Monkey looks at the chimpanzi for a
moment, then
laughs out loudly and tells the
pastor.........eish; tell him
yourself, I don't want
to lie in church
@mascotisdeadly
28. Nollywood with their problems
30 years later yet the family dog is still
alive
29. *The keke I entered yesterday
wanted to overtake a
trailer. The trailer blocked him, the next
thing the keke
man started warning the trailer driver "I
WILL JAM YOU
O!! That was when I asked him to drop
me without
reaching my destination. You want to jam
him with
what? You see weed?....... Fear weed!*
30. Some Men are fools paaa, how can
you pass by me
with your car and few distance from me
pick a lady, and
the car break down . now you are like oh
bro help me push it
I'll never, even if I swallow the Bible as
food
what pain me more is the lady is still
inside....
@mascotisdeadly
31. *SEX* is my best *enemy*,
*BUT* the *BIBLE* Say's *love* your
*ENEMY*
*am confused guys*
Should I love it
32. HELP ME JUDGE THIS MATTER!!
Goat and fowl dey waka for road, one
man dey drive,
come splash water for their body,
D fowl say: see as he dey drive like goat!
D goat say: na in make dem dey die like
fowl!
Na so fight start o. Who find trouble?
@mascotisdeadly
Hope you enjoyed the jokes? Which one
was your
favourite???
Comments